Maybe this will help?
Maybe something else?
We don’t really know what’s wrong
or what’s plaguing your mental health.
So pop some of these
Let us know in a couple weeks,
If you feel better.
Is your brain finally freed?
I don’t think it will ever be
Lost in unacknowledged memories
Things I can’t unsee
They’ll never truly get away from me
I’ll never truly get away from them
I’ll never truly have real friends
Because I was born to be alone
The same way I’ll be when it all comes to an end
You’re just a concept for now miss
But I can already hear your laughs
A little bit sassy,
And a little bit sad
Much like your dad,
You question every single thing you ever face
But unlike me, you face your problems with aptitude and grace
As gentle as a babbling brook
Sharper than the tacks
Hopefully a bit taller!
So you don’t have to deal with all the silly jokes they crack!
I’m sure that you’ll be gorgeous,
You’ll have some great genes,
Hopefully your mom is stable,
So you’re not breaking at the seams.
You won’t be much like me,
I didn’t grow up in a nice way.
Daddy always drinking,
Mom broken and feeling out of place.
A lot of time in the hospital,
Just learning how to exist.
But if you have the same problems,
I’ll make sure you find some bliss.
I won’t judge you or tell you exactly what you have to do.
You’re a smart girl in a dumb world, I’m sure you’ll know it too.
Oh dear Olive Rose Presley,
I love you with all my heart.
I promise to give you everything I can,
before you ever even start.
It’s all in my head
Every stupid word I’ve said
Every mistake ever made
I’ll take it all to the grave
Because I can’t give up on cynicism
Too filled up with hate and tension
Too pained by the thought of never ever having good intentions
Too caught up in all my lies
It’d be easier to go and fly
The void calls out, pick up the line
I’m pretty sure its about that time.
Eyes deep dark brown like the stump of a great oak,
Forest green hair that reminded me of home.
I don’t know why I care so much,
Maybe because I can relate?
To all the tribulations,
You said you have to face.
We could be best friends,
Play some ball in the park.
Make each other laugh,
steal a kiss in the dark.
But that wouldn’t be right,
I need to show respect,
You’ve got your own battles to face,
I can see them pouring out your head
You feel like no one cares for you,
You’re tired of being used.
So if you really need someone,
I’ll be there for you.
I’ll keep my distance,
Because codependency has been consistent.
A theme in life I can’t shake,
A pattern I can’t seem to break.
I can see the magic in your heart,
Don’t let it tear your life apart.
Put value in yourself,
And soon great things will start.
I know that any day could be the day
They decide to come for me
With loaded clips they’ve got a grip
I know it’s pretty plain to see
I’m outta options just a target
The crosshairs never replaced
I’m feeling chased but I don’t care
I’ll take it straight to the face
Because I’m ready to die already
I’ve tried it once myself
Didn’t succeed, just left to bleed
I don’t care about my health
So come and end it all for me
I’m tired of the wait
Youre hiding in the shadows, think I’m dumb
I can read it on your face
You could’ve been a better stalker
Or just Left me to myself
But found a reason caused some treason
Now I’m stuck in the commonwealth
But i told you once already
You’ve probably read the scripts
I’ve never cared about anything
But money, fame, and lips
See it’s easy to pretend,
Put on a fake ass smile
Get excited when they bite
Enjoy the peace of driving miles
I hear the car in the distance,
but it always drives away
I’m knowing that the day I finally rest
Could be tomorrow or today
Nicotine and Caffeine get me through the day.
Lots of jokes and lots of laughs, I’m sorry I can’t stay.
I’m up and down and all around,
Still drifting through the sea.
It won’t happen, but for just a sec:
I thought of you and me.
I know there’s places to go!
Things to see,
And so much life left for us to live.
BUT
I think I could look past the fact-
You’re middle aged with kids!
She was my little Tinderella.
A little younger than I thought!
There was something about the way she she smiled-
I guess it helped that she was hot!
Met your crazy little family,
and truly I was smitten .
Made some promises I couldn’t keep.
I ripped apart your feelings.
See I used you as an outlet,
to shake the pain of my past.
No matter how strongly I felt for you
I knew we wouldn’t last.
And so I did some bad things
I took advantage of heart.
And when the snake came calling,
I bit the apple without a thought
I’m truly sorry for everything
And in my heart I’ll hold you close.
I really loved you Jordyn,
So I want you to know;
Find a place, find a home
Don’t get caught up in other people.
Find yourself, find a purpose
It could be with kids or in the steeple.
You don’t need drugs to be happy-
There’s so much more to life than that
Find forgiveness in yourself.
I hope you’ll always remember that,
Despite the short time that we spent together,
I’ve still thought of you in years apart
Every second was a good time
From the ending to the start.
So when you cross my mind I’m filled with nothing but regrets
I really loved your soul, i didn’t use you for the sex.
And It wasn’t your fault that I just up an ran away
I was scared of how I felt, how you made me feel that day
I wish I’d stayed, my life is nothing but chaos at this point
And I can’t take away the pain with just alcohol or joints
I’m sorry for ever moment of suffering and making you depressed
I’d end it all to make you happy, I’m just too filled with regret
And so I’ll keep on trudging through this little thing that we call “life”
Until someone does it for me, I’m kind of waiting for that night
Woke up off time
Questions rattle my head
Am I better off here?
Am I better off dead?
The docs think that I’m crazy
But I don’t hear things
I just want to feel safe
Want to make it to spring
Preparing myself
The meds still don’t help
They don’t want me for money
Just to see me in hell
I can’t see the future
But I still sit on edge
Because I’ll never know
When they come for my head
I can’t breathe when I’m out
No difference when I’m in
Wish it was all just as easy
As when we were kids
Maybe it’ll be cancer?
Maybe corona or lead
They might hit me on Bancroft
Or where Collingwood bends
They don’t care for the kids
That they shoot in the streets
So why would I think
That they’d care for me?
Never meant to end up here
It just wasn’t the way
No one wants me to leave
But I know I can’t stay
Maybe I’m wrong?
Maybe just call the cops?
But the boys that they run with,
Aren’t afraid to blow tops.
Wish I hadnt scratched their shit,
The day that they pulled,
Now I don’t know-
If I’ll ever grow old.
Cause the dogs are relentless,
And there’s wolves in the streets
They’re not even hungry,
They just want me to bleed.
I don’t owe them nothing;
Not money or respect
They just fucking hate me,
So there’s a price on my head.
Now I don’t like to drink,
And I don’t wanna smoke.
I just want to escape,
Want to find a new home.
I just want to feel free,
I just want to feel calm,
And I don’t really know,
If I can keep going on.
I lay in bed and think of all the things that led me to this point
Lies and fights and drugs, now there’s just aching in my joints
And in my heart, beating out my arms, I don’t know where to start
I’m running from what eats me up, not getting very far
I know that I’m too cynical to ever even make a buck
I know that they all think I’m crazy and they couldn’t give a fuck
So I smoke cigarettes and wreck my lungs
On the docks, I watch the ducks
geese are my only friends when breaking down and twisted up
And no ones there for me when crumbling, the quacks don’t seem to care
They make assumptions- give prescriptions, it’s like they’re not even there
When I rattle off the things that are causing all my pain
They’re not like me, they never cared what was tearing up our brains
We go insane from all the weight, now no ones ever feeling safe
Except the ignorant, the happy, and the gods that call my name
I find nothing but repulsion in the way they handle things
It was my only way out,
now I can hear the angels sing
I’ve been caught up in the past
And all the things that didn’t last
Now I’m searching for my way
You can’t convince me to stay
They think the little witch is dead
But he’s off to save the day
They’re tired of his mind
Because he’s refusing to play
They said “don’t quit the game”
“It gets even better”
But I’ll never get caught up,
In all the stormy weather
Yeah I know it’s still impending
Cause of the messages they’re sending
But I’ve given up already
You won’t ever catch me begging
Soon to be Fatal 