Soon to be Fatal

You lost me at goodbye

Though you never truly said it

Too busy in his bed

To answer any of my questions.

Hey, guess who’s schizophrenic?

Guess who remembers

every little hint they left and every loathsome second?

Guess who else is wishing they were breathless?

You act alone but fun fact-

MILLIONS are depressed.

What you face isn’t uncommon,

we’re all infatuated with death.

I wish I’d left-

It would’ve made things so much easier on me.

I’m not chasing any rabbits,

just cause of a little LSD.

Said “I’ll let you know.”

But you never really did.

Funny how I was safe at home

Until I gave you back your shit.

You’re a part time arsonist,

That loves burning people down.

A narcissist with guarded lips,

Wishing you were the talk of the town.

Used, used, used.

I guess I should’ve seen

Why they only ever aimed at me

Why YOU’RE safe to walk the streets.

How you never really cared,

You would’ve loved to see me bleed.

For a couple stupid fights,

I’d be gone for eternity.

You know, I still have no one.

Even less than you!

Cause I’m not pretty, I’m just witty,

 And people love to see me lose.

Well I’m lost,

Congrats to all the demons that I’ve fought.

You broke me down,

Then built me up as something with a cost.

I know that you still think of me and everything we had

You try to draw me back for validation and i find it kind of sad

But I’ve been over it since you ignored me when I was drifting on the raft

Does it really make you mad that I’m done when you let them break me into halves?

Now I’ve forsaken my closest friends,

Thanks to you I‘ve led dozens to their demise.

So I’m sorry I’m anti social now,

It just because I’m wise.

The world is a straight jacket

We wear it without thought

The drugs may loosen up the strings

But they’ll never be more taught

Then when you’re coming off

And coming down

The ringing in your ears profound

Remind you of the pain and shame, locked up like a hound

There is no escape from reality

You’re trapped here till the end

You can try to cover up

Using sex, violence, and your friends

They’re just a different kind of mask

They don’t really help at all

When you’re lying on your deathbed

Pretending you miss the calls

Value physical or immaterial,

you’re still stuck without a cause

Everything is temporary

Do whatever you fucking want

If I had another chance

what would I do?

Take another shot?

Give more homeless people food?

Find a real passion

don’t just sit in anguish?

Maybe join politics

For everything we’re facing?

But one man can only do so much,

I feel like the reason we’re here is for love,

So I’d give my all and do my best,

To make sure no one felt left

the same as me

going crazy alone

With no one to love

And nowhere to run and nowhere to hide

When they’re taking our lives

Fighting my battles

Ten on one?

If I went today

what would they say?

Would the kids pretend

they really knew me?

All my fake friends hop in the hearse

to just see?

Something even less

than a body?

Would they mention the way

“his eyes were dark gray?”

Or Moments of madness

that slipped out my face?

I wouldn’t be looking down

probably up at best,

Or stuck in purgatory,

Screaming with no lungs to help.

But the fact is

No ones ever really understood me

Cared to dig inside,

And find the things they can’t see.

So it’s just a tragic loss,

With no triumphant reigning shots,

Not another Holocaust,

just a loss.

Where would they be if I hadn’t helped?

Guided their hands ignoring my health?

I only wish the best for others,

Even when they steal, kill, and rape each other.

It’s just one cost of feeling,

Knowing your hearts beating.

But I can feel mine-

about to give up.

If you were by my side I’d hand you a cup,

Or a glass of whatever you want.

Even if it cost me my last dime,

I just want to feel something before the sunshine ends.

Maybe we could’ve been

better than just friends?

The kind of thing that lasts lifetimes

and doesn’t just end?

Maybe I could’ve made

more frowns than smiles?

The thought of that

just drives me wild.

Cause all I’ve ever wanted is a couple of dogs,

Maybe the house on the hill that everyone wants.

A chance for something more than suffering,

A chance to make something out of nothing.

But it’s too late for all of that

If it’s not bullets

or the lump on my back,

I know in the end

It could be me who snaps.

Maybe take a chance, yeah

Give me half a chance god

Give me half a life, fuck

Always had bad luck

But I made that shit with my hands.

And I know this could be my last dance,

So I’m calling out to all of my friends

When it all ends

Dont show up

You didn’t know me like that,

You didn’t know

who I was,

Or what I

wanted to become

Or why I couldn’t

feel anything but numb,

Why I freak

and want happiness for everyone

But the monster I’ve become

Hasn’t really helped much.

But I’ll be never be less

Than just myself

You weren’t being used

Not a pawn- love with cost

At least not to me

But I suppose life moves on

And in time you’ll see,

After moments of loss

It was the same for you

as it was for me

I felt used too,

For my car and my job,

The material things,

That I provided without thought

I only wanted what

was up in your head

Not the feeling of your skin

Not those moments in bed

You think that’s everything to me?

You’re surely mistaken,

That’s why I’m broken,

That’s why you’re breaking.

I said awful things,

You said nothing at all.

I guess it none of my business,

Which way your heart falls.

But my intentions were pure,

Same as you say.

Not everything works out-

So take it day by day.

But don’t act like I didn’t care,

because you were scared to open up.

It made me feel crazy-

I don’t think that was love.