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I know you loathe my existence

Or you’re indifferent at best

But why kill me?

Why waste the breath?

I haven’t done shit

I wasn’t the one who called

So you’re gonna kill me and my family?

When none of us are even involved?

I get that you’re wicked

and do whatever you want-

But I don’t understand what the deal is?

I wish it’d just stop.

My dreams are as dead as I am-

Still there but wasting away

My head is filled up with clairvoyant

visions of pistols and blades

I could’ve been good

Or I could’ve been evil

But instead I’ll just die

As nothing at all

I haven’t slept in over twenty four hours

I don’t really know if I can

I’m drained from all the pondering

Of what I’ll become and what I can’t

I know life isn’t fair

Nothing is ever guaranteed

Except for death and taxes

and the fact I will bleed

I always just wanted a cause

Something to fight for

But I was too late to join the army

Now I’ll just be a corpse on the floor

I guess we’re all just victims

Everyone I ever knew

Now I just want to destroy

slice through the tendons and sinew

Of all those responsible

For the pain that Im forced to go through

Maybe just because they’ll do it to me

If they get half a chances

So I’m stuck in the never ending waltz to death

Theres no escape from baphomets dance

And I’ll be chopped to bits,

Or torn limb from limb

But I swear on everything in me,

I won’t just give in.

Subdue me with shots,

Make me something I’m not

I’m fucking insane

At every hour on the clock

So you’ll probably hit me when I sleep

That’s how you play the game

Cause I know you don’t take chances

When it comes to bringing on the flames

Sorry I ruined your tale

I didn’t realize what was going on until it was all too late

Goodbye to every girl I’ve loved

Even the cheaters, brought together by the fates

I didn’t treat you all perfectly

I’ve said plenty that I can’t ever take back

If we meet in another lifetime

Id treat you better than the last

Sorry to my friends

Who abandoned me without a thought

The ones who lied and the ones I lied too

I hope you don’t get caught

Sorry to everyone I’ve ever wronged

I know it’s meaningless to all you now

I’m sorry I can’t be more specific

Than I know it ends with POW-POW-POW

We all craved things like power

Filled up with lust and greed

Human nature is to search for more

than we ever truly need

It’s over for all of us now

In this dead-end zero sum game

Check mate was probably years ago

I hope we get the chance to play again

Theres a few questions left that I have

I know that I’m gone, I know things are bad

If only after death I could see

Is it the whole country or is it just me?

People can’t even tell

what’s right in front of their eyes

They tried to paint me as crazy

An operation disguised

An empire fallen,

built on stolen land

We definitely deserve it

We’ve done a whole lot of bad

I can’t be the first victim

Of this war incorporeal

Shoving pieces together

The pictures still not whole

Destabilization keeps the masses in check

I know very soon I’ll greeted by death

The circles already complete so I’ll give them a nod

Only these question left, did I do good god?

Did I learn more than the last 23?

Did I make it much further than you expected from me?

Could you make it quick? I didn’t realize what was happening.

Was the first time we met as far back as I imagine?

Is this just the world?

Or are we on the descent?

I know it’s a little late,

but what would it take to be friends?

You’ve got plenty of talent,

it’s pretty clear to see.

From the cabinet to the street,

people are where you want them to be.

I don’t have much to offer,

But if I can see the gaps

maybe I can help fill them?

In case things collapse?

it’s such a stupid little thing

For me to suggest

He said “Execute him!”

I know that I’m dead.

But what did I do?

That brought on that moment?

I try to think back-

But the cogs in my mind are still frozen.

Did I cause something to happen?

Did I throw a wrench into this thing?

I don’t know when it happened.

Id plead but I know apologies mean nothing

I kept my mouth shut

Then things kept getting worse

I took those awful meds

I tried to cover up despite the hurt

I’m not a hero or a villain

I’m just some fucking dude

A jack of all trades

I’d do what you want me too

Call me conniving

Call me whatever you want

But I can’t outthink a whole army

I can’t undo the wrongs

You didn’t give me a single chance

I didn’t get to choose sides

I know that war isn’t fair

But could could you give me some time?

Exhausted every option but fighting

But it won’t be fair I know they’ll hit me from hiding

So I’ll sit on edge and swing when I can

Watch my knuckles bleed and try not to be weighed down the the hands

They push me back and forth

like a bully would in high school

The whole worlds dying

No one knows we’re under their rule

The most dangerous game

Who knows when it really started

Probably a decade in the making

Or much longer since we departed

The victors write the history

So maybe it’s always been this way

There’s no one left to trust

Except pain the I face

Cut myself just to feel

Drink vodka, smoke cigarettes

Manipulate and steal

Have casual sex

Hedonistic monster

Wear a smile just as fake

As every word I breathe

I can’t escape my fate

Natural born victim

I wish it could’ve been different

Spent my whole life sinning

Now my whole world is spinning

Prayer hasn’t helped

Neither has talking

Silence is the same

Driving or walking

It makes no difference what I do

They ignore when I plead

I guess I’ll never be safe

On this earth I’m destined to leave

People always listen when I speak

But maybe they’re too blind to see

The true meaning behinds the words

Their ignorance perpetuates a curse

maybe it’s better if they don’t understand

Maybe it’s better if I just wait for shots to land

Or hope the same people that want to kill me for fun

Decide to offer me a hand?

It’s just wishful thinking

While my boat keeps on sinking

As I sing, lie, and carouse

I plummet closer towards the ground

The grave already been dug

Guess that’s the true cost of love

Slowly approaching a future

That only ends in suffering

I don’t want to die

But I’ve never had much hope for a life

I didn’t do anything to deserve this

Its just the nature of humanities purposelessness

So I don’t ask myself why,

I don’t lay back and cry,

I just wait for them to come

While I keep my brain unplugged

I’ve always been a chameleon

Coating myself in the same armor others wear

bullets don’t regard how you color your hair

When they creep up behind you and you don’t realize you’re already snared

I saw the signs 100 times, but I prefer to stick to proof

So when hundreds of fake accounts added my friends I played it cool

But now I see there was something more sinister in tow

And I walk the line between a life of violence and death row

I guess I’d rather live if I was part of someone’s clique

But all alone inside my home I know the icebergs gotta tip

And when I dream it’s of what comes after life

It fun to muse but in the end I know that’s it’s just darkness and nothing

So I guess that I’ll just smoke another cigarette

Petrified by the loss that paints the walls of my mind

So I guess that I’ll just move onward with my prophecy

A self defeating one that one that points out all the things that I won’t find

Like a love that’s thats equal and grows

Like true happiness

Like keeping all my limbs and

Avoiding that which hides in the unknown

Some say that there’s a reason for everything?

Then what’s the reason for all of this suffering?

Why can’t I seem to stop the spiraling

am I destined to die with nothing but this void in my mind?

I can’t wait much longer before the cracks split wide

Half the people I know can’t tell I’m dying on the inside

They can’t see that I’m drowning from everything

They don’t get it’s impossible to fight the tide

My heart still swells when I think of you

Push me away there’s nothing really more that I can do

Yet I hold onto to the hope from the lines between

Because I’m an idiot with low self esteem

And I might die before I really get to know you

And I might die before I have the chance to see you again

And I might crash like the pillars in Ancient Greece

Would it even make a difference to you

I could be killed in the streets

It could be cops or the cretins

I know they won’t cry for me

They don’t see me as human

Just an object to release

Drained dry by the leeches

I could fall into a chasm

So I never really see them

They watch where I go

So I don’t feel safe at home

It could be the delusions

Or the end of the show

Even after I go

All I know is that I don’t

And they won’t ever let me

So Ill let my problems just build up and grow

How do I become one?

Do I let blood unto sun?

Will my wings ever come back?

Or are they sealed up with wax?

Do I let fly under night skies

Or beg for the beating

Call out in anguish

Or wait to stop breathing?

But I didn’t call

It was HER ALL ALONG

Was it set from the start

I know that you knew her

I saw the cat on your shoulder

And you lied to my eyes

I never believed you

Even after goodbye

I bet you tell them it was me

Who put that poor man away

I bet you’ll never release it

I bet you’ll take it to graves

I know you’ll lie over mine

Won’t get better with time

The world should know I knew from the start

Had I listened to my heart

You wouldn’t have had the chance to cross me

I wouldn’t have given any sympathy

Its cause of you that I bleed

It because of you I can’t leave this brick prison that holds me

He’s more connected than I

I know you couldn’t have planned it

But I’ll keep on fighting

As long as I’m standing

I know that you’re a part

Your excuses never made sense

And I’m sorry to Ryan

I shouldn’t have been apprehensive

Do I feel bad for what I’ve done?

I don’t know if I can.

That’s why I want him to kill me,

So that I can finally understand

I see the thorns in your heart

I know it was you all along

Right after she drugged me

And passed out in the parking lot

If only they could see

There’s invaders on the rise

And I know that they want me

Almost no chance I’ll survive

J, C, M, or I

Who’s the one to blame?

For all of the pain

That I’m now forced to face?

Could I be reborn as one of them?

Give up on my past?

Forsake all the teachings

I’d probably just come in last

I won’t get a letter

I know I won’t get a sign

It’ll be their choice

It’s not up to me to decide

I am the bottom of the barrel

Just choking on your love

But it’s too toxic to touch

Itll scorch the earth if it does

So keep me locked away

A tragedy

A cement covered basket case

Don’t look too hard there’s nothing left for you to see

There’s nothing left inside

A hole where a proud man once stood

doesn’t matter where I go

It doesn’t matter what they’ve done

no point in staring at the sky

No point in begging for a life

Everything In mine is a lie

And I’ve got no choice but to try

I’ll say I’m crazy

just to keep the world safe

When there’s demons in the walls

And they’re begging to escape

They want the worst of me I know

They want me broken and alone

They want to see me in my home

Or between the sights on their chrome

They want to catch me in the streets

They want no one to see me bleed

They want a travesty

And all I want is relief

But they just want me on my knees

no mouth, they beg for my screams

But they don’t see

There’s no difference between you and me

So we hide behind screens

I pop the pills without a reason

They don’t sedate me they just drive me further crazy

I hope that the damage can be undone

But I know it’s what they want

And if I choose to live longer

I have to comply

Until I get that much stronger

The world is spinning on its axis

Soon everything collapses

No one knows who’s piloting the boat

Well guess who’s met the captain

They pray for silence and misgivings

I pray for friends and forgiveness

They hope they never see me smile

I wished I was one of them for a while